Grief and Loss

Grief according to the dictionary is described as: “Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement.”[1]
When I think of deep mental anquish I think of the cry that drains all of the energy from your soul. It is the pain that stabs the pit of your gut that doesn't seem it will ever go away. For me it is crying out to God with my whole being. I wish I could say I have never experienced that grief but of course I would be lying. My memory goes back to when my first husband left our home or trials of my prodigal teenaged daughter. These are not examples of death but certainly they are losses. I believe that how we handle grief and sorrow largely depends on our previous experiences, circumstances surrounding the grief or death, our support systems and our faith.
"Blessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4.[2] Jesus Christ is the Great Comforter and if we allow Him, He will guide us to peace and hope that is in Him.
When I reflect on my grandmother's death six years ago, it was the first time I had experienced a death of someone close to me since I had become a Christian. Grandma had made her peace with God before her death so when she did slip away at age 91, I felt joy that she was with the Lord. Throughout the visitation and funeral I experienced the strength and peace beyond human comprehension.[3] In the week that followed I was sitting in my computer class and started to cry. It was then I realized I would no longer see Grandma on this earth. My heart grieved at that point missing her physical presence. I knew I would spend eternity with her but it was my temporal home that would be empty without her. I think sometimes as Christians we may tend to give pat answers and cry "Rejoice that they are with the Lord" when a loved one dies who knew Christ as Savior. As PN's we need to recognize that but also we need to address the very human emotion of grief and sorrow. We need to be there to allow people to mourn in their own way and in their own time. We must not judge the manner our brothers and sisters grieve. “We must never minimize the pain and the difficulty of grief, we need to hold on to the hope that someday the pain will subside, and life will have meaning again.” [4]We are key people in handling bereavement. Family members are comfortable with nurses as they are the caregivers that will be turned to when help is needed.[5] There may be tragic circumstances surrounding a death and that will complicate the mouring process. As a critical care nurse I often witnessed sudden death that places the family in overload. The events following will seem like a blur to them. This is a time that the PN can be the stabilizing force in supporting them as a advocate. The PN can also be the referral agent to the pastor and possible counselling in the weeks that follow. Coordinating volunteers for meals and visits to the family will bring an atmosphere a loving and caring community.
Some of the resources that may be helpful are organizations such as,
1. Bereaved Families Online http://www.bereavedfamilies.net/
2. The Center for the Grief Journey http://www.griefjourney.com/
3. Grief Healing http://www.griefhealing.com/
4. Grief Recovery, The Action Program for Moving Beyond the Loss http://www.grief-recovery.com/
5. There are several books on grief including Granger West burg’s book called “Good Grief”.
6. Stephens Ministries has a wonderful series called Journeying through Grief that churches can give or send to grieving people at the four crucial times in the first year following a death. Each book focuses on what the person may be experiencing at that time and to help give them home and encouragement
7. Our local funeral home http://www.ferrisfuneral.com/ also sponsors a grief recovery counseling Grief recovery counseling in six weekly sessions normally held 2 times per year at Trinity Anglican Church
[1] www.dictionary.com
[2] Matthew 5:4
[3] Philippians 4:7
[4] The Center for the Grief Journey, Dr. Bill Webster
[5] http://www.bereavedfamilies.net/