My Discontented Heart

While doing a study today, I realised something about myself that I hadn't put to words before. In the book of Numbers chapter 11, it talks about the Israelites being taken through the desert. God had provided them with manna for food to sustain them. They had some foreigners travelling with them who began to whine and complain about the manna. They longed for other food like the meat they used to eat. The discontent of these foreigners spread to the Israelites. Instead of being thankful and satisfied for God's provision, they started to whine and complain that they wanted more. So the Lord gave them over to their sinful desires and sent them tons and tons of quail. They had their fill of meat but God also sent along a plague and many of the people died. They named the place of their death,
Kibroth Hattaavah (which means "Graves of Craving"). They had everything they "needed" from the Lord but they wanted something different. The discontented heart is never satisfied and craves for more.
I felt convicted by this lesson. I too, have become discontented with the Lord's provision at times. I think I know better than He does. Right? Wrong. I repent for the times lately that I have had these thoughts. Perhaps they haven't been so straight forward but when it comes down to the crunch, that is what I'm thinking.
He knows me better than anyone else does. Psalm 139 says that He knows my inner most being. He knows when to reveal truths to me so that I will "get it". He knows when to hold back because some truth will overwhelm me too soon. He has held back prayers that I have prayed for not only my own good but for the benefit to those around me. God has "life" down to a fine art. His timing is perfect and His ways are perfect.
Lord please help me to remember that when I feel like whining in the desert. Your manna is perfect for me.

Beyond the Manger

As I sit on this Christmas Eve somewhat exhausted from the shopping and preparations over the last few days, I find myself feeling a little overwhelmed with life. Perhaps it is just the fatigue coupled with the high family tensions but nonetheless, it's not appropriate on this holy night. I then reflect on that night over 2,000 years ago. A young couple, a pregnant teenager who had just travelled by donkey over a rugged terrain. Her birthing room was not going to be in a sterile hospital room like today, but in a stable with a feeding trough for her newborn's crib. This couple's baby was the King of kings and Lord of lords. I wonder if Mary felt overwhelmed by her surroundings? Did she complain to Joseph about their accomodations? After all she had just travelled long and hard, ready to give birth. She must have been so uncomfortable. Whether or not she felt frustrated, we are not told. Mary, however knew that she was given the privilege of carrying and giving birth to the Messiah. This was her path in life and she accepted this in obedience to her God. She was favored among women. A special place to be in.
I need to remember that I also have a path in life. It is not a path of raising the Messiah, but I am given the responsibility of raising my children in the ways of the Lord. That in itself is an honoured position to be in. I need to reflect God's teaching and love to my children and my unbelieving husband.
God has set out this path for me and I need to be obedient, just as Mary was. In a different way, I have found favour with God by Him giving me "this" family and "this" responsibility(though I don't feel the least bit deserving).
God selects His caregivers very carefully. He expects me to do as Mary did and look beyond the manger. To see beyond the circumstances today and see others and myself with His eyes and not with my finite ones.

Does God Giggle?????

We all hear alot about Random Acts of Kindness and as a Christian, I like to think that I am R.A.K. obedient from time to time. Of course, I am not looking for recognition or credit, but I do have to share about one particular act today that got me thinking. I was going through the drive-thru at Tim Horton's for coffee and as I was paying for mine, I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to pay for the person's order behind me. I had enough money so I proceeded to pay for their's. I wanted to scoot out of there quickly so they didn't see me when they were told their order was paid. I found myself giggling as I rushed out of there. I had so much fun with it and it made me all giddy. It occured to me later, "Does God giggle when He blesses us at unexpected moments?". I have to think that He probably does. He takes great joy in blessing His children, but do we always acknowledge Him when we do receive? Do we always give Him the credit for these blessings or do we credit our own effort and will? James tells us that "Every good and perfect gift comes from above", so in essence every good thing that happens to us is as a result of Him and His will for us. Perhaps someone has paid for our coffee or given us a compliment when we are feeling down, but we owe it all to the Lord. It is He who has prompted that person to pass on that blessing or "good thing".
So the next time you receive a blessing, just picture the Lord giggling and it will be sure to make you thankful that He cares enough about all the little things in your life.

Hello Sunshine!!!

Awhile back I shared about a blog that I have been following of a teenage girl from Iraq. I guess her blog was featured on MSNBC last night. If you haven't already, check out this girl's blog. It helps to see things in Iraq through a teenager's eyes. So much about her is so similar to any teenage girl, but the things that are different truly set her apart.
http://livesstrong.blogspot.com/

My Mission Field is at Home

We have a retired couple in our church that regularly go to the mission field. Anywhere from India to the Ukraine they are always ready, willing and very able to accept God's call on their lives to missions. I remember specifically one day sharing with Betty, that I would love to go on a short term medical mission one day. Her words to me have repeated in my mind many times since then, "Your mission field is at home". I know those words were from the Lord and Betty would never take credit for the impact that those words have made on my life. She is a very humble woman that way.

My husband is not a believer in Christ, my teenage daughter has had her share of challenges in the last few years, both emotionally and spiritually. My son is just eight and is probably the most spiritually mature Christian in my midst and very eager to learn the truths of Scripture. That in itself is a full mission field. Sometimes I wonder why God has entrusted this job to me. I am so unworthy and so imperfect. I struggle with patience, anger (although He has worked wonders on me in both those areas through the last couple of years) and I don't fell equipped for such an assignment. I struggle to be the example as a Christian wife and mother almost daily.

Many times I don't feel appreciated and want to walk away. One thing keeps me going each day and that is the unconditional love and acceptance that my Savior has for me. This is so evident each and every day. He never gives up on me or ever wants to walk away. He sees and accepts who I am and also sees where He is taking me to. He sees that as being "worth it" in the long run. That is how I need to see my "mission field" as "worth it" to look at my family through the eyes of Christ and where they will be one day. The struggles and hurdles of today are the character builders of tomorrow's dedicated Christians.

EFT stands for "Enough Foolish Talk"

Yesterday I was visiting a patient. Both he and his wife are wonderfully polite and nice people. They are quite affluent with a large beautiful brand new home. I found out that he is a retired executive with an obvious higher education. While I was doing an uncomfortable dressing procedure, his wife grabbed hold of his hand and started "tapping" in some key areas. She began to repeat the phrase "Even though this hurts like "hell", I completely love and accept myself". Over and over she repeated this with the sequence of finger tapping. I honestly felt a "shudder" down my spine. I knew in my heart that this was some sort of New Age therapy that was not something I wanted any involvement in. Upon enquiry, the wife told me that this was called EFT, which stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. She shared that it works by "crossing the meridian". I just nodded my head and smiled. She had learned the technique from a friend.
My heart felt sad for this couple who have lived a life of travel and prosperity. Having always lived by their own rules and means, they were turning to a "religion" of sorts that also caters to their own rules and means.
I checked out a web site on EFT and it is a technique that is full of "tapping" in key points much like acupuncture as well as repetition of affirmations. The phrases were much like the one this woman had used but of course they were altered according to the situation that one needs emotional freedom from. They instruct that even if you don't entirely believe the phrases, to repeat them anyway. Much like a chant I would say, but of course filled with more and more emptiness.
People are so desperately searching in the 21st Century life. There is such a need to fill that void in their life with something spiritual. My heart aches for those who seem to "have it all" when in all actuality they have "nothing". I often compare much of the New Age culture with a bag of candy floss. It may taste good and seems like it should be "filling" but it is really just a bunch of sugar, packaged to seem like something grand.
The world so urgently needs Jesus Christ, but many continue to turn to the things that puff up the "self" which leads to spiritual and even physical death.

Carry One Another's Burdens

A few months ago my son and I went to the pet store and purchased a pair of zebra finches. I liked the squeaky little sounds that they make and felt that it wouldn't be a noise that I would get tired of. I decided to name them Ruthie and Boaz after the couple in the book of Ruth in the Old Testament. If you have never read it, please do yourself a favor and do it. It is a wonderful romantic story of Boaz, the kinsmen redeemer and Ruth, a devoted daughter in law who connect, marry and solidify the lineage to Jesus. Anyway, these two birds have been fun to watch. Ruthie did lay some eggs and she and Boaz shared the duty of sitting on the eggs until they hatched. To see Ruthie step out of the nest to eat, followed by Boaz jumping in to warm the eggs was heartwarming to say the least. Their babies didn't survive this time around but we will probably try again.
Yesterday I came home and looked in the cage and to my horror, Ruthie was hanging upside down in the cage with her foot caught on some kind of thread. I really thought she was dead. Who knows how long she had been like that. Thankfully she was alive and I held her as I untangeled this thin thread that was wrapped around her small foot. There seemed to be certain damage to it as she was unable to keep her balance. She sat on top of the nest and had to prop herself using her wing. I moved her food and water close to her, as I thought she would starve because she couldn't balance. To my surprise, when I got my human hands out of the cage, Boaz rushed to her side and propped himself up against her to hold her up. He didn't leave her side other than when this silly human would put her hands in there to rearrange things to help Ruthie.
If we all could learn a lesson from one of these smallest of God's creatures. Boaz was there to carry Ruthie's burdens. He wasn't concerned for his own needs and take all the food for himself, he was there for her in all situations. He "supported" her in the only way he could.
Today Ruthie seems to be back to her old self. The temporary injury seems to be less of a burden for her. Thanks to the rest she was able to have with Boaz being there for her in her time of need.

Rating Sin in the House

It seems as Christians, we get into the habit of rating sinful behavior among the brethren. We may not say it outloud or think about it much, but I believe we do. We are quick to point our fingers at someone who abuses alcohol or drugs. We pray for them to be able to overcome this bondage with the help of Christ. Some are even quick to make the statment that a person that stuggles with this kind of addiction, must not be a "real" Christian because if they were the Lord would surely have given them victory over that sin. After all they are placing that alcohol or that drug before the Lord. It is an idolatry of sorts. This sort of scenerio could be played again regarding smoking or pornography. These are the "bad" sins. If one is to dare mention that overeating is in the same category as these sins, they risk being scoffed at. After all church activities are centered around food. All of our meetings, Bible studies and social activities are always partnered with food. "Who is bringing snack this week?" "Please bring a loaf of sandwiches and a pan of squares" "Next week is the pot luck!!". These are not bad things of course. We need to eat food and we certainly do that very well. We must remember that gluttony is also a sin along with alcoholism, drug addiction, pornography, smoking, and yes, computer addiction. You don't have to be overweight to practice gluttony and you don't have to be a hermit to practice computer addiction but anything that takes the place of Jesus Christ as center in our lives is idolatry and it is wrong. No one or no thing should be in that place of honor.
As Christians we know that we have Christ that fills that Christ shaped empty space in our heart. But sometimes we choose to place other things in that space and sometimes that is an escape. If it becomes too frequent of a practice the Lord will begin to shake up our lives to let us know He is being ignored. Our God is a jealous god and deserves and desires first place in our lives.
If you are struggling with an addiction to any of the things I have mentioned, there is a wonderful solid course available to you. Check out www.settingcaptivesfree.com You won't be sorry you did!

This is Maggie!!

This is my little shih tzu puppy, Maggie. She came into our lives in March of this year and has been such a wonderful addition to our family!

Two Very Different Outcomes

Two deaths have occurred in our small community that have touched my life even though I really knew neither of them. The first gentleman was a friend of my husband's family. He was well known in the community as he used to own a gun and sporting store. So it was to a select group that he was familiar with. He was known to spend large amounts of money on "toys" and buy things for other people. He would throw a huge party in the summer for his friends and business associates. The menu would include steaks for everyone and all the alcohol one could drink. His health had deteriorated in the last 15 years with diabetes and heart disease. Over a year ago he had been in a coma following heart surgery and not expected to live. He had many "close calls" and came out of them eventually. This last time, he wasn't successful. I remember praying for this man when he was in the coma. He didn't know the Lord and I prayed that God would come to him and speak to him in this time of surrender. He lived his life in his own way on his own terms. Sadly, he died the same way. I found out today that the Lord was not in his life, even at the end. For that I am so sad and so angry at the same time. I believe the Lord gave him many opportunities in his life to recognize his need for Him. The man had "nine lives" it seemed. The Lord kept giving him another chance, another chance, another chance. Is there a point where the Lord knows that this heart will never soften and turns his head? I don't know. But Scripture does talk about the "hardening of hearts", and "giving them over to their lustful desires".

The other gentleman I had never met. He was 54 years old and also owned a business in a small neighboring community. He died in a tragic fall from a ladder. His son had the misfortune to be witness to his father's death. The death was sudden and totally unexpected. In contrast, the man loved the Lord. He comes from a heritage of believers and was very active in his church. He had been to Haiti last year on a mission trip to an orphanage that the church sponsors. It sounds like he was a caring and merciful soul. He didn't kn that his last day was his very last but he was ready nonetheless. The other man wasn't. He had no time for last thoughts. The other man did. Why did the first man not recognize the Lord in his life? The second man probably gave the glory to God for everything that happened in his life.

I'm not sure I understand but I guess it really is the gift of free will. We all have the opportunity in our lives to accept or reject the One that gave His life so we could live. The rejection of Christ is a death sentence. I weep for those who have gone to the grave with no knowledge of Him. The joy they missed in life is tragic, but even more tragic is the consequence of rejection. Eternity without God and that "one more opportunity for Christ" will never come again.

A Blessing

My job is one of the blessings of my life. I get to meet all kinds of people from every walk of life. Some visits stand out more than others and today was one of those Divine Appointments. I hadn't met this lady before but was told that she had a cancerous tumor in her liver in which chemotherapy nor radiation were an option. She is on the palliative program and is described as very accepting of her death. She has all of her arrangements made for her funeral, right up to the pictures that would be on display. She is in a very advanced stage of liver failure and it is obvious by her "yellow tanned look to her skin. The sclera (or the whites of her eyes) are yellow. Her emaciated body is even more accentuated by her protruding abdomen that is full of the poison that is destroying her life. But within this woman is a spark. There is a peace and a joy that goes beyond all human understanding. ("...and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7) As the outside of her body is deteriorating, her spirit is growing into full maturity. She is becoming more and more like Christ. ("Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2Corinthians 4:16,17) Yes, she loves the Lord and it shows. She describes Christ as her Rock. The only One that she has ever been able to lean on at any time. I don't know much about her past but I'm sure she has a story to tell. Don't we all? Obviously God receives all the glory with her testimony.
In the one bedroom sits a boy/man. This is her son who has special needs. He is in his forties and she thanks God for him being there at this time in her life. He wears one of those key chain ribbons around his neck that says, "I love Jesus". His face lights up when someone speaks to him. She is her joy in life, that is obvious. His needs are all looked after for when she leaves this world. She says that he is extra "klingy" now because he does understand what is happening. But he knows that he will see Mom again in heaven.
She shares with me that she has eight grand-children and she would like to see them grow up, but that is not to be. She also speaks of wishing she would have been taken up when the Rapture comes, but doesn't feel that is to be either. I told her not to be so quick to make that statement! He could come at any time.
I'm sure that I will get to know this lady a little better over the next few weeks but she certainly was a blessing to me today.

My Unbelief

I'm reminded today about the story in Mark chapter 9 starting at verse 14. A man brings his son to Jesus. The boy is possessed by a spirit that prevents him from speaking. When the spirit "seizes" the boy it knocks him to the ground into a full grand mal seizure (by the Biblical description). This has been going on for years. The father shares that there have been times the spirit has thrown the boy into the water or fire to try and destroy him during these seizures. The father asks Jesus to remove this spirit, "if you can". Can you imagine how Jesus felt about that statement, "if you can". "Of course I can, I'm God incarnate, don't you know???? No, He didn't say that. But Jesus did say to him, "If you can? Everything is possible to the one who believes." (Mark 9:23). Of course the boy's father did believe but there was doubt. He cried out, "I do believe! Help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24b).
How often I am like that boy's father. I say I believe and I even "feel like" I believe, but do I really believe that I believe? I hold on to the promise of God to save my unbelieving husband or to light the fire of God on my fence-sitting teenager, or to save the most unlikely of my co-workers. Deep down, do I believe there is a chance of any of this coming to fruition? I'm really not sure. If I were to truthfully admit it, I would say, I doubt. I have unbelief mixed in with my belief. I have encouraging Christian brothers and sisters that help me to stay on track. I have the "proof" of answered prayer in my past 10 years as a Christian, but I still doubt. In my doubt I can become cynical about the promises. I think I'm being realistic, but it can manifest as sarcasm.
I need to pray for the Lord to help me with my unbelief. He knows how we as humans struggle with the temporal. We see through the eyes of eternity, but sometimes we are a little too near sighted. God sees the fine Christian man my husband will one day be, I can't. He sees the on fire Christian my daughter will grow to be, I can't. He sees through prayer that His work will be accomplished in my "so far from God" co-workers. I'm just a a mere human and feel so finite. I feel so powerless most days, so inadequate. Lord help me with the unbelief that I carry each day. Help me to be obedient to Your call.

Foolishness

I have realized once again in the last couple of weeks just how different Christians are from the rest of the world. There are a couple of incidents that really stand out in my mind.
The other day I was watching 100 Huntley Street and Moira Brown was sharing about the death of her 46 year old brother died as a direct result of complications of alcoholism. She shared that it was unfortunate that her brother didn't allow Jesus to help him overcome his addiction. Just as she said that my husband walked into the room. He made some gesture that indicated he was disgusted with what was on television. I asked him to clarify what he was meaning and he just shared that he was "too intelligent" for that kind of thinking. I wanted to cry. I wanted to debate and argue, but I just kept quiet. I was sad for him mostly. After all this time, he still doesn't "get it" when it comes to Christian spirituality. He relys on "self" and only himself. The idea that you can give your burdens to the Lord is something so foreign to him. He thinks it is absurd I believe. I have to admit, when really thinking about things of the Lord in a secular mind, it has to sound crazy!
A second example comes in the form of a local message board from the local internet service provider. The thread of the posting started out debating the teaching of intelligent design in the school system. Most of the posters slammed the idea that the educational system would actually consider teaching such a thing. It made things sound like intelligent design borders on mythology. In this 21st Century of scientific advances even considering intelligent design seems to them to be insane. One poster stood firm on her faith. She shared the Gospel and her faith and a dabbling of her testimony. Many scoffed at her and some showed respect but they all pretty much rejected what she had to share. I admire her for standing firm. She is unashamed and I'm sure the Lord is smiling upon her.
I find it so sad that these unbelievers are so blinded and their hearts are so hardened to the Good News that Christ has for us.
I am reminded about the verse from 1Corinthians 1:18-21

"For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, "I WILL DESTROY THE WISDOM OF THE WISE, AND THE CLEVERNESS OF THE CLEVER I WILL SET ASIDE."
Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe."

As a friend of mine says, we need to "Keep on keeping on". We need to live the Gospel in word and in deed. Preach the Gospel at all times and if necessary, speak.

Fear of Death

II attended another conference today on Palliative Care. The subtitle of the conference was: "Defining Hope". I learned some really good nuggets that will surely enhance how I care for those who are in the last chapter of their lives. We had two speakers. One was a hospice nurse from the States with an extensive expertise in the field. She has co-written a couple of books concerning "Near Death Experiences". She had some wonderful stories to tell. Each account of near death was that of joy, lights and peace. The impression was that everyone goes to a glorious place of peace and tranquility. Not once did she ever mention a negative experience. I know that not all is wonderful. Not all of the glorious experiences that she spoke of will end in an eternity of joy. Without Christ, there is no joy or peace in eternity. Without Christ in this life, we forfeit an eternity with our Creator, God. Many well-meaning caregivers embrace this teaching of a broad spirituality. This spirituality is more secular than what people really imagine. To depend on the "inner self" means no dependence on the One who is the life-giver of all. It is so sad how this type of teaching in the hospice/palliative care circles is in the forefront these days.
The second speaker was a social worker who also has his masters in theology from Harvard. His claim to fame is that he obtained his masters in theology without ever stepping foot inside a church. Hence, you can imagine what he had to say. Actually in all fairness, this man is quite brilliant. He has a heart for those who are near death and wants to help them come to terms with that. He actually is located at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto and covers the pediatric caseload for home palliative care. He spoke about the fear or denial of death in our culture. We are a culture of curing people. This is so evident that in this last year, he only received six referrals from Sick Kids Hospital. 85 % of the children, who die, do so in intensive care at Sick Kids. They aren't prepared; they aren't at home, where they would probably want to be if they had their say. These poor parents aren't prepared either. They are led to believe, by the doctors that they are doing the right thing for their children. Death is looked upon as failure.
This man was very informative and I will certainly carry some of his wisdom to my patients, but there again the area of spirituality is so broad. I know we have to be culturally sensitive but I just find that things are so secular in most of health care. Palliative care to me belongs in the area of spiritual care. To guide people in the dying process and tying their loose ends up in life is a priority in hospice care. Helping them to search within and discover who they really are. If the questions about what their purpose has been in this world come up, I have no problem sharing my belief (when led). If they then "choose" to believe then that is their choice. But they need to know that they indeed have a choice.

Suffering

Suffering
By Mike Rule
Many people lay claims that people in the United States do not know what true suffering is because we have it so good compared to those in other countries where people are persecuted for their faith. While I understand where people are coming from, I struggle with these conclusions because they are all based in drawing comparisons and making judgments about circumstance. Man looks at the external, but God looks at the heart. The reality is that people EVERYWHERE are suffering, even here in the U.S. It is true that I have not been physically beaten for following Christ, but I have nonetheless suffered emotional torment at the hands of brothers and sisters who meant well but were clueless. Even more common are the internal struggles and suffering we all walk through, like depression, anxiety, relational trauma, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, etc. One of the biggest tormentors among those in the U.S. and other developed countries is the question, why do I hurt so much when I have it so good? We struggle with guilt over having “illegitimate” pain.

Comparing suffering is like comparing abuse. To say that internal suffering is not really suffering is like saying that physical abuse is true abuse while emotional abuse is not. Abuse is abuse; suffering is suffering. As I walk with the Lord I see believers in America suffering horribly. Some at the hands of legalism, some at the hands of others, others at the hands of their own internal wounds or emotions, and still others at the hands of health problems. The vehicles to deliver pain are limitless. The issue is not the FORM of the suffering, but rather the purpose of it and what it produces in us.

What is God’s purpose in suffering? And we know we are going to get what's coming to us--an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with Him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with Him! That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. (Romans 8:17-18) God’s purpose is to form the image of Christ in us, and in order to do that He has to use suffering to destroy our pride. I was recently counseling with someone who has been struggling with years of chronic pain. The Lord made it evident that she was ready to be asked a question: “Sister, if it wasn’t for this pain in your life, what would it have taken to break your pride?” She pondered it a moment and responded, “The pain has been perfect, because without it I would never have been willing to let go of my image.” Her pain brought brokenness and freedom from the bondage of living to people. If a person is unprepared to handle that question, bitterness and resentment (all rooted in unbroken pride) against God and life develop. But when the ground is fertile and ready, the person sees God’s perfect plan through the suffering and is ready to receive it as tailor-made for his or her life. Paul said, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son, for Him to be the First-born among many brothers. But whom He predestinated, these He also called; and whom He called, those He also justified. And whom He justified, these He also glorified. (Romans 8:28-30)

In this world there will be suffering. We cannot escape it. Would we rather suffer with no purpose, or see God’s purpose in suffering and see it accomplish His goals? For me, I would rather see the purpose in it and let God have His way in me through it. I have learned I would rather yield to it and get through it as quickly as I can instead of fighting it and prolonging the agony. There is nothing that will ever come into the life of a child of God that is not first filtered through His fingers of love. Beloved, do not be astonished at the fiery trial which is to try you, as though a strange thing happened to you, but rejoice according as you are partakers of Christ's suffering, so that when His glory shall be revealed, you may be glad also with exceeding joy. (1 Peter 4:12-13) Come quickly, Lord Jesus, and have Your way.

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Ecclesiastes

I had the opportunity of sharing a portion of the third chapter of Ecclesiastes with my mother today. It is titled appropriately, "A Time for Everything". It is a familiar passage in Christian circles often during a time of reflection.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)

As I reflect on those particular verses, I rejoice that God has a time and a place for everything under the sun. He is in control of my life. In that control, He has also given me free will. That free will is often discussed in the realms of salvation, but there is more to it than that according to these verses. My free will enables me to choose when and how I react. When I line my thoughts and actions up with the will of Christ, the timing of Christ falls into place. However, there are times when I fall and I fail. This is when my free will is only out to satisfy my own thoughts and desires. This is the free will that longs for revenge and self justification. When walking in the steps of Jesus, I have no longing for revenge or to defend myself. I stand in His promise and His grace. I'm thankful that when I do fall; when I do fail; He forgives me in my confession and repentance. He enables me to get back up again and begin again to train myself in His ways.

Enough Already!!!

Enough of those pointless personality tests!! I don't know why I do them anyway. How can you determine the depths of someones being by picking out a picture or answering four simple questions??? Of course they will seem "right on"!! Just like when I used to read my horoscope. There was a time, honestly that I would grab the newspaper to see what sort of day the stars had in store for me. Of course this was when I was much younger and not following Christ.
A new Christian in the care group I attended mentioned that she was a Saggitarius. It really stopped me short, as I hadn't geared my thinking in that area for almost ten years. The word was foreign to me. Why did those daily readings mean so much to me? I guess because I was searching for direction and meaning to my life. Trying to stuff air-filled styrofoam in the space that was meant only for the love of Jesus.
So I promise from this day forward to stay away from those pointless personality tests, whether for enjoyment or to validate my personality. After all only the God who created me truly knows every facet of my personality that He created for His purposes.

Another Personality Test

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

Brain Pattern

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

My Personality???

I would say that this is pretty close, but I have learned not to let my emotions influence my decisions as much as I did when I was younger.

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

TV Medical Shows

This is from a Nursing Advocacy Newsletter that I receive:

"September 2005 -- The fall 2005 U.S. television season promises a lot of influential health-related serial programming. But since nearly every major character is a physician--literally dozens--it seems unlikely that nurses will receive their due. At the top of the list are the three hugely successful returning prime time hospital dramas: NBC's " ER" (premieres Sept. 22), Fox's " House" (Sept. 13), and ABC's " Grey's Anatomy" (Sept. 25). Of the 25 major characters in these three shows, 24 are physicians, and only one--"ER"'s Sam Taggart--is a nurse. "

I guess the networks feel that the ratings are with the docs?

Busy With This and That

I haven't been blogging or reading blogs for the past couple of weeks. I finally have had a chance tonight to sit and do just that. I started my first university course towards my nursing degree. It is actually an English course on essay writing. It isn't a nursing course per se, but all but one of us online are actually nurses in the degree program. I know it is only the beginning, but I am enjoying things so far. Most of the nurses are in the same kind of situation as I am. The majority are in their late 30s or 40s and working with children. We all have priorities to deal with. It is refreshing how supportive we are to each other. We post messages on a message board and critique each other's work. I guess one could probably tell that we are "caregivers" according the the kind of encouragements we leave for each other. We have already had two quizzes plus an essay completed. I find it more motivating being an online course, as you know, I do love my computer!!

Dependance

Sometimes I wonder why the Lord has placed me with the team at my workplace. We are so different in so many ways, I wonder how I can make a difference for Christ in their life. Patterns are so etched in stone, independence and self reliance is viewed as the ultimate strength. The other day, one of my collegues made the hard and fast statement, "The only one that I can depend on is me!" and she firmly pointed to her chest.
I am not used to hearing statements like that in my Christian circles. Reliance on and submission to Christ is our goal in life. To follow His will for our life. I cannot depend on "me". I fail and I fall. My emotions sometimes get the best of me. Sometimes I get angry at my family when life gets overwhelming. I can't depend on me. When I fall it is because I have taken my eyes off of Jesus. I identify with Peter taking his eyes of Christ in the storm and starting to drown. Oh how often I feel like that impulsive and emotional disciple. Those days that life seems to just fall in on me. I want to crawl into bed and drown in my own self pity. I'm so thankful for friends that point me back into the direction of His steps. That is the kind of advice I need on those days. Not to count on "myself" but to always count on the One who never changes, the One who stands in my corner for eternity, the One who gave His life just so I live for Him here and with Him in eternity.
I guess I will continue just to be "real" at work and at home. I need to be tuned into the Holy Spirit "station" when I am with my collegues and speak up for Christ when led to do so. I want to be an example but I want to be sensitive to their lives. It is a challenging position to be in but I guess that is one of my "assignments" in life.

Two New Additions To The Family

Yes we have some new family members in our home. Yesterday my son and I went to the pet store and bought two zebra finches. I have always wanted this kind of bird as they aren't a "squawky" kind. The make sweet little squeeking noises. I have named them Ruth (actually Ruthie) and Boaz. In the book of Ruth in the Bible is the story of Ruth and Boaz. It is somewhat of a romance of its day and quite a lovely story. Since this union further establishes the lineage of Christ it is even more special to me. Perhaps Ruthie and Boaz might hatch themselves a little Obed!!!

.....and now for something completely different

There is no depth to this post but I just had to share the joy that I have today. I know it is truly summer when I can sink my teeth into a real toasted tomato sandwich. I mean tomatoes from the garden not the greenhouse and not the green picked, artificially "ripened" pale pink ones we get here in Canada from the southern U.S. before ours are ready. I mean the deep red, super sweet tasting, needing only a pinch of salt and pepper on two slices of toast with butter tomatoes. Yummy!! My mom brought be some straight from the garden tomatoes today. I'm in heaven!! It doesn't take much to get me excited, does it????

An Honor

I started college for nursing in 1980 so in essence, I have been nursing for 25 years! Sometimes I sit in disbelief when I make statements like that. I still feel like I'm in my 20s most days. However, when I reflect on my personal and professional life, there are an abundance of experiences that comprise those 25 years. My main nursing experience has been in critical care. For over 15 years I worked in intensive care with acutely ill people. I know, it sounds stressful and it was. I enjoyed that type of nursing then, but never felt like I accomplished enough. I wasn't sure what that "enough" was, until I began community nursing. The "enough" was the people themselves. I entered into nursing because I enjoy people. I enjoy getting to know them and their families. Community or visiting nursing will often give the opportunity to do just that.
Some people don't understand the job and think that it is comprised of simple tasks. We perform many clinical skills in the home as patient acuity is higher these days. Hospitals are discharging patients earlier and earlier. Hospitals are closing beds in Canada to save money but the patients do suffer. I remember just before I left the hospital that it often felt like it was a revolving door of patients in and out constantly.
One of the most challenging and rewarding areas of nursing in the home is palliative or end of life care. Many families are opting to bring their terminally ill loved one home to die. The services that are available enable that to happen. Hospital beds and equipment for the home, nursing and personal support worker care for the patient and family. It is an honor to be part of that whole process. The patient and the family fall under our nursing care. The family has invited the nurse into their world and one of the most vulnerable times of their life. Often it is just a listening ear and wholehearted support is all that is needed.
This week, one of the young women from our church is bringing home her 17 year old son who has cancer. There is nothing the doctors can do any longer for this disease that is no respecter of persons. The scenario that I just described will be theirs.
I wrote in an earlier post about how things like this seem so unfair. I again have to give this whole situation to our God that sees the panoramic view of life. He has a plan for this young man as well as all of us in His care. Who knows how many lives this boy’s story has touched? In the process of his disease, he has surrendered his life to the Lord. His new faith and love for God has touched those who have witnessed the joy that a piece of Scripture has brought to his face. In his stress of life, He feels the love of a God who carries him each and every day.

Now I lay me down to sleep.......

As a mother, I have found that the "bedtime routine" is anything but routine. Both of my children have taken that time to share what is on their hearts, the good and not so good. It has also been a wonderful time of teaching them the ways of the Lord through object lessons. Of course, they don't realize that they are being "taught" but that is the whole point isn't it?
The other night when I was putting my son to bed he started to share. In the summer we send him to a couple of Vacation Bible Schools. They are usually week long events for a few hours in the day. There are Bible lessons, crafts and lots of fun. They are primarily meant as an outreach tool of the church that is running them, but I do find that our Christian kids do grow and learn spiritually. Sometimes that growth is not realized for some time as I learned that night. My son started to share with me about a true story of a woman who was injured in a diving accident. This story was shared at a VBS not this year but TWO YEARS AGO!! This was the first time he had shared it with me. This woman of course was Joni Erikson Tada, a well known Christian speaker and author who became paralized as a result of a diving accident. He shared more about her life and since I have read one of her books, I was able to share about some of the wonderful things that she has done and that the Lord has taught her.
I was really moved about my son's compassion about Joni and people in general with challenging disabilities. I look forward to see what the Lord has in store for his future assignment in life.
Do check out Joni Erickson Tada's website!!

Challenges

Each day presents it's own challenges. I awake with a goal in my mind for the day. The challenges of the day and how I confront them determines whether or not I will attain my goal. Children, energy levels and priorities are some of the factors that I have in my day. After reading Sunshine's mother's blog today I realize that my challenges are but small "blips" on the scale of severity. I encourage you to read this Iraqi mother's post on her "routine day". It has certainly caused me to put my life into a different perspective. Life is so precious and we need to thank God for each day He gives to us. Kim

Racoon Eyes

Yesterday my family and I went to Paramount Canada's Wonderland. A full day of rides, water park and fun, fun, fun. Yes, I have racoon eyes. Not enough sunscreen on my face and an outline where my sunglasses were. My husband got quiet the laugh at me this morning!! Along with the sun burn I am also feeling every one of my muscles in my back in spasm. I guess I don't handle waterslides and roller coasters like I used to. I think the last time I was at Wonderland was 20 years ago, so do the math on my age. Yes, we had a blast though.
This morning I started to read some postings on the blogs that I have been following. I have started reading one of a 14 year old girl from Iraq. Her mother and aunt also blog. "Sunshine" as she is known on her blog, shares her life growing up in war torn Iraq. So many things are similar to any teenager growing up, but the differences bring tears to my eyes almost every time. Why can I enjoy a day in Wonderland and she can't leave the house alone most days? Why can I visit with family and friends and chat about life and laugh, while she and her family visit and talk about which neighbour has been murdered or abducted?
Perhaps that is why the Lord led me to these blogs for a greater purpose. I am to pray for this family in particular and offer encouragement when I can. He loves the people of Iraq as much as He loves you and I. He cries the tears along with all of them in their suffering.
I encourage you to check out Sunshine's blog and pray for this family and the people of Iraq.

Retreat

We have just returned from a few days away camping. Not quite enough time to truly "retreat" but I am intentionally trying to stay away from any work or personal commitments for a week. In some of my quiet time I did feel that the Lord was speaking to me about my self reliance. I do tend to get that way when things are going well. It is when my life is falling apart at the seams that I tend to cling to Him so tightly. I don't take the time for Him when life is "fine". Life is not "fine" if I'm running on my own strength.
Because of that I believe that many things in my life don't seem to be moving in the direction that I "want" them to. Perhaps He is trying to show me that there are many areas in my life that I seem to rely on my own strength.
He also spoke to me about my obedience or should I say my "lack of" in areas concerning relationships. I have been tending to retreat within myself, or should I say becoming somewhat introverted even at home with family. That isn't a healthy state for family and especially a marriage relationship. That will be a constant challenge for me as I do tend to retreat when I'm feeling low. Could it be spiritual depression? I have just started reading a book on that topic. Is it another attempt at diagnosis? Perhaps this diagnosis is a little closer to the real Truth?

God is so good!

I haven't actually recorded anything in my blog lately. I guess that I felt I had nothing "Noteworthy" to say. This past week a friend of mine from my nursing school days (23 years ago, I'm afraid to say!!) had a daughter disappear. I guess she actually went missing on June the 30th. Word has it that she met some man on the internet that was 35 years old. Turns out that this guy is a tattoo artist on social assistance. The girl is just 15 years old and apparently quite naive. I hadn't had contact with my friend since our 20th reunion but I had to call her and let her know that I was praying for her. She and her husband had been apart for two years so I was concerned that she needed to know that she had support. She was understandably, a wreck. It is every parent's worst nightmare to have their child go missing. My heart grieved with her. I remember when my friend was pregant with her daughter. She had actually been carrying twins and she miscarried a twin. I shared with her that day that God preserved Kaitlin in the womb so He would preserve her now. He had plans for her. I believe that the Lord was speaking those words through me that day. Nancy (mom) was so appreciative of the words as she had not thought of it that way before. I urged her to hang on to that hope. Many people in my Christian circles were praying fervently for this situation since Wednesday. I had actually sent out the email on Monday but my sympatico email was not sending properly.
Praise God!! Kaitlin was found in Toronto on Thursday! She was dirty, hungry and afraid, but very much ALIVE!! A transit officer in Toronto recognized her from pictures that the family had been distributing.
Of course to God be all the glory, honor and praise for this situation. I truly believe that His saints obedience to prayer was a huge factor in Kaitlin's return. He is so good.
This whole situation caused me to reflect on my daughter's rebellion of almost two years ago. Many nights I would be in prayer that the Lord would just keep her alive. There were many times I knew not where she was or what she was doing. If she called to come home, I would go and pick her up. There were nights of travelling at 3:00 am to rescue her from a potentially dangerous situation.
I remember once praying to the Lord that I just wanted to see evidence of Him working in her life. I remember the Lord speaking to my heart, "Do not put the Lord your God to the test". I needed to trust Him. He had begun a good work in her from the point of her salvation and He was going to bring that to completion. The timeline was not to be a factor to me. I just needed to trust.
She has since turned much of her life around. There is more trust than before . She still makes some decisions that aren't what I wish she would do but we need to learn from our mistakes. Her spiriutal growth and maturity still has a road to travel, but then again, don't we all. We are all a work in progress!

Connie's Thoughts in Passing

God breathed the life into me; it was so sweet to be,
It was early spring; with earth refreshed; he wished for me to see.
The beauty was so stunning; the breath he gave fell still;
His work with me not over; my cup was yet to fill.
He guided me with his own hand; sometimes I would let go;
He let me fall; then pick me up; he knew I had to grow.
There were mountains that stood to block my view; or so it seemed to me,
I must look beneath the surface; my heart it holds the key.
The flowers bloom in springtime; yet fade at summers’ end,
Only to renew for those with faith; the flaws his hand will mend.
He showed me love and caring; and there were times I’d turn away;
He’d reappear at oft times, and I knew I must not stray.
If I have to leave in springtime; what better time to go;
With earth refreshed; my work well done; leaving seeds to sow.
I’ll breathe new breath; such peace I’ll find; mere words cannot attain,
Love and beauty all around; releasing all life’s pain.
I don’t want to leave in springtime; but if my world must end,
I’ll wish your journey very blessed; as my gardens you now tend.

That slippery slope

Today I attended a conference on Palliative Care. The speakers centered on the subjects concerning ethical decision making, euthanasia and the like. I find it so upsetting to see how our culture is moving. We are not so far removed from the way of the Netherlands. There, you can remove life, young or old with the stroke of a pen. The reason doesn't seem to have to be all that convincing. "Suffering" is such an open term. The bioethical discussion and debates that took place today have all of the mappings towards a culture of death. We are so concerned with the patient autonomy (which is important) that we find ourselves rationalizing what is a good quality of life. What type of life is meaningful? Are we wanted? Are we valued?
I also found it interesting some of the vendor displays that were at the conference. There was quite an array of books from a London bookstore. They were all books concerning themselves with Palliative Care. Among the dozens of books, I could not find a single one that had a Christian theme or author. There were many New Age books on finding your inner self, or inner peace. There was also one book "How To Pray Without Being Religious". My question is, who are they supposed to pray to? Perhaps they pray to themselves or a statue or a pet. Who knows. New Age seems to be a common theme in health care and particularly in palliative care. We know that a spiritual search is within all of us. We all long to find what it is that fills the hole in our lives. When I think of these books, I feel like they are just covers filled with emptiness. There will never be peace if the advice is adhered to. If there is a sense of some peace, it will be short lived and will certainly prove itself when a person's life on this earth is over and they pass into eternity.
I do believe these authors and promoters will be called to answer for leading so many into dead end streets. We need to speak for Christ in word and in deed. People must be respected for their belief that they may have, but we need to be alert to the call of the Holy Spirit to reveal the Truth of God's love for them. He loved us all so much that He sacrificed His one and only Son, so that we could live with Him forever.

Our Children

Our children are truly a gift from the Lord. That is certainly in Scripture but in actual fact they are only "on loan" to us. The gift is a temporary one. We don't "own" them. We don't "create" them. We, as parents are "entrusted" with their care. To raise them in the ways of the Lord. Our love to them is to reflect the love that the Father has for us. We give our children the tools that will lead them to a relationship with Jesus Christ. Our love needs to be unconditional to them. No matter what they do or say, we are to love them. We are to lovingly correct them. We can't waste any of our earthly time with our children. Every moment has to count towards eternity, because our loan may be called in earlier than we think. Our children need us here on this earth.
I truly believe that many of the troubles in the world today could have been avoided if all parents would take their roles seriously and in fearful reverance of the Lord. That also includes the role of a husband or wife. All parts of the family need to work together in harmony centered on the cross of Christ.
But alas, we live in a fallen world. Things are not perfect. Days like this I long for heaven where there is no illness or tears. There has been plenty of that today.

That is so unfair!

I heard those words come from my mouth today. It isn't the first time and perhaps it won't be the last. We sometimes feel that life isn't fair. When children fall ill resulting in death in the prime of their life, we seem to feel justified in expressing that things like that aren't fair. Later while I was driving, I felt the Lord speak to my heart in that still small voice say, "I Am just".

He is just. He is fair. He knows what He is doing. He can change a situation with the speed of light. Often He doesn't. He knows what it will take to bring an eternal soul to salvation. He knows what it will take for us to give our total dependence on Him.

God has the panoramic view of eternity. I see today's snapshot and it isn't what I would like to see. When I whine and say that something isn't fair, I'm not trusting completely in Him. I have taken my eyes off of Him. I know that He knows I am human and I fall, whine and complain. He forgives myfaults. As long as I recognize them as such.

Personality Type

This is interesting.....I thought this one was pretty close....

Your #1 Match: ESFJ

The Caregiver You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first. A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change. You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project. You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people. You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #3 Match: ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #4 Match: ESFP

The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #5 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

Live Long and Prosper!!

You Will Die at Age 85

85 Congratulations! You take good care of yourself. You're poised to live a long, healthy life.

What Age Will You Die?

Understanding

Understanding
By Mike Rule

Someone once said to me, “People don’t understand me, but I don’t hate them. I pity them because they cannot understand anything beyond what they see with their own two eyes.”

What a powerful statement! I have a lot to ponder about this one. Being misunderstood is normal; and the further I walk down this road, the less I expect others to comprehend my journey. That does not make it hurt any less or make the accusations any less painful, but at least I am learning to expect the misunderstanding.

In certain situations the potential to be misunderstood, questioned, and accused is tremendous. Each instance is an attempt to pull my eyes off my Savior and put them onto myself. If I am walking by faith, how much can I realistically expect to see? When I can barely understand what He is asking of me, how can I possibly give someone details, facts, and something for them to see?

No matter how stirred up I am by others and my situation, it is my prayer that I never take my eyes from my Savior. May I always keep my eyes fixed upon Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith.

Verses for Reflection

Looking to the Author and Finisher of our faith, Jesus, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, "and sat down at the right" of the throne of God. (3) For consider Him who had endured such gainsaying of sinners against Himself, that you do not grow weary, fainting in your souls. Hebrews 12:2-3 LITV

And the Pharisees and the scribes murmured, saying, This one receives sinners and eats with them. Luke 15:2 LITV

And their scribes and the Pharisees murmured at His disciples, saying, Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners? Luke 5:30 LITV

And many of them said, He has a demon and is insane. Why do you hear Him? John 10:20 LITV

A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above his lord. (25) It is enough for the disciple to become as his teacher, and the slave as his lord. If they called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more those of his household? Matthew 10:24-25 LITV

And he defending himself with these things, Festus said with a loud voice, Paul, You rave! Your many letters turned you into madness. Acts 26:24 LITV

We are fools for the sake of Christ, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are honored, but we not honored. 1 Corinthians 4:10 LITV

(For we walk by faith, not by sight), 2 Corinthians 5:7 LITV

We not considering the things seen, but the things not being seen; for the things being seen are not lasting, but the things not being seen are everlasting. 2 Corinthians 4:18 LITV

The eyes of your understanding being enlightened, that you may know what is the hope of His calling, and what is the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, Ephesians 1:18 MKJV

Consider what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in all things. 2 Timothy 2:7 LITV
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Mother's Day

This is an email that I received from my Mother on Mother's Day. My Mom has just gone on line. The emails that I receive from her have actually had a lot of thought put into them. They are short but profound. Bless you Mom.

Dear Kim;

I am just sending a Mother’s day to one of Gods’ many Nannies. He has entrusted you with two of his greatest works.
This job will be most rewarding ;and will last a lifetime.
I’m sure at the end of your tenure; he will say it’s been a job well done.


Your Lifetime Mommy

God's Call

This has been an interesting week for me. I returned to work after a six week hiatus due to a minor surgical procedure. One of my clients that I went to visit was a palliative case. There were no parking spots available near the home near the local high school. I proceded to park in front of the house, half of my van in the "no parking" area and half in the "parking" area. I was in the home for about 30 minutes and low and behold I had a $30 parking ticket waiting for me. Part of me was actually expecting it. When I got out of the van I felt a "voice" try to tell me to ask my client if I their lane was where a white car was parked. There was ample room for me there. Once again I "ignored" the voice and went my own way. Of course the voice was the Holy Spirit. How many times do I ignore His voice and go my own way.
I felt that the Lord was calling me to a parish nurse ministry a couple of years ago. I have spent that time studying for this call and recently submitted a proposal to initiate that ministry in our church. I have received an unexpected "lukewarm" recepetion from the people that initiate new ministries. These roadblocks are unexpected. Did I hear the Lord's call correctly? Have I gone my own way because I felt empowered by my new wealth of "knowledge"? Have I refused to embrace the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in favor of man's knowledge. These are serious questions that I need to pray about and ask myself. Perhaps He is still calling me but the ministry may be something different from what I had envisioned. I did feel the vision was from the Lord but perhaps it was of "Kim". I need to be open to His leading and have faith that He knows what is best for me. This roadblock needs to be embraced not embittered.

Risk
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement
To express feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure.
But some risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
People who ask nothing, do nothing, have nothing are nothing
They may avoid suffering and sorrow
But they cannot learn, feel change, grow love, live
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves
They have forfeited their freedom
Only a person who risks is free.
Anonymous

Grief and Loss

Grief according to the dictionary is described as: “Deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement.”[1]
When I think of deep mental anquish I think of the cry that drains all of the energy from your soul. It is the pain that stabs the pit of your gut that doesn't seem it will ever go away. For me it is crying out to God with my whole being. I wish I could say I have never experienced that grief but of course I would be lying. My memory goes back to when my first husband left our home or trials of my prodigal teenaged daughter. These are not examples of death but certainly they are losses. I believe that how we handle grief and sorrow largely depends on our previous experiences, circumstances surrounding the grief or death, our support systems and our faith.
"Blessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4.[2] Jesus Christ is the Great Comforter and if we allow Him, He will guide us to peace and hope that is in Him.
When I reflect on my grandmother's death six years ago, it was the first time I had experienced a death of someone close to me since I had become a Christian. Grandma had made her peace with God before her death so when she did slip away at age 91, I felt joy that she was with the Lord. Throughout the visitation and funeral I experienced the strength and peace beyond human comprehension.[3] In the week that followed I was sitting in my computer class and started to cry. It was then I realized I would no longer see Grandma on this earth. My heart grieved at that point missing her physical presence. I knew I would spend eternity with her but it was my temporal home that would be empty without her. I think sometimes as Christians we may tend to give pat answers and cry "Rejoice that they are with the Lord" when a loved one dies who knew Christ as Savior. As PN's we need to recognize that but also we need to address the very human emotion of grief and sorrow. We need to be there to allow people to mourn in their own way and in their own time. We must not judge the manner our brothers and sisters grieve. “We must never minimize the pain and the difficulty of grief, we need to hold on to the hope that someday the pain will subside, and life will have meaning again.” [4]We are key people in handling bereavement. Family members are comfortable with nurses as they are the caregivers that will be turned to when help is needed.[5] There may be tragic circumstances surrounding a death and that will complicate the mouring process. As a critical care nurse I often witnessed sudden death that places the family in overload. The events following will seem like a blur to them. This is a time that the PN can be the stabilizing force in supporting them as a advocate. The PN can also be the referral agent to the pastor and possible counselling in the weeks that follow. Coordinating volunteers for meals and visits to the family will bring an atmosphere a loving and caring community.
Some of the resources that may be helpful are organizations such as,
1. Bereaved Families Online http://www.bereavedfamilies.net/
2. The Center for the Grief Journey http://www.griefjourney.com/
3. Grief Healing http://www.griefhealing.com/
4. Grief Recovery, The Action Program for Moving Beyond the Loss http://www.grief-recovery.com/
5. There are several books on grief including Granger West burg’s book called “Good Grief”.
6. Stephens Ministries has a wonderful series called Journeying through Grief that churches can give or send to grieving people at the four crucial times in the first year following a death. Each book focuses on what the person may be experiencing at that time and to help give them home and encouragement
7. Our local funeral home http://www.ferrisfuneral.com/ also sponsors a grief recovery counseling Grief recovery counseling in six weekly sessions normally held 2 times per year at Trinity Anglican Church
[1] www.dictionary.com
[2] Matthew 5:4
[3] Philippians 4:7
[4] The Center for the Grief Journey, Dr. Bill Webster
[5] http://www.bereavedfamilies.net/

Support Groups

Support group n: a group of people with common experiences and concerns who provide emotional and moral support for one another[1]
I found it interesting that the expression “one another” is used in the dictionary definition of “support group.” In the New Testament the phrase “one another” is used 85 times. Jesus used it often in the Gospels to encourage fellowship among believers. [2] Nevertheless, Scripture also encourages us in Galatians to not only “be” with “one another, but to be a support to “one another”, “Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2. In Romans we are taught to encourage, “So then, we must pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.” Romans 14:19
In my search in my local community the Information Center contains thorough data base of community groups. I have seen that there is a good variety of support groups in the area that I could utilize for referrals, but we are lacking church based groups. Our church has several small groups that include a support group for those with chronic illness; the Salvation Army facilitates a Divorce Care support group as well as a group for teen moms called “Generations”. One of the Baptist churches has a Christian based group for those who struggle with alcohol called “Reformers Unanimous”. Not only do I think that we need to support one another as Christians, we need to reach out to those in need of Christ as the true counselor and healer.
Some of the sites that I was able to locate groups:
SupportPath.com is an Online Events Calendar listing chats, lectures and events on health, personal and relationship topics from around the Internet. There are links to online communities / message boards, National Organizations, books and more!
http://www.supportpath.com/
Yahoo Groups A search on e groups delivered 6,209 support groups on the yahoo network http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=support+groups
Divorce Care is a special support group where you can find help as you recover from the hurt of separation or divorce. http://www.divorcecare.org/
Canadian Directory of Genetic Support Groups
http://www.lhsc.on.ca/programs/medgenet/c_sup.htm
Medbroadcast.com is a safe, supportive, carefully managed community environment to enable you to communicate with others about healthcare issues and interests that you may have in common. http://www.medbroadcast.com/support_groups.asp
Haldimand Norfolk Information Center Haldimand Norfolk community information database. http://haldimand.cioc.ca/

[1] The Merriam-Webster Dictionary 1997, pg 728
[2] Matthew 18:20, John 13:35

Bibliography

1. Holy Bible, NIV. The Zondervan Corporation. 1994
2. Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. 1997

Personal Health Counselor (Advisor)

The role of the personal health counselor or advisor can address the needs of a congregation in a variety of ways. I visualize the parish nurse as a slab of moldable of clay in anticipation of the Potter to mold her into the design He has for service. Each congregation is so individual made up of so many different parts.
Developing a health needs survey is a useful mode to discover the wishes and needs of the congregation. Over a year ago I circulated a Congregational Health Needs Survey and was able to discern what the major needs/wants were of our church community. I can visually see what the needs are but until people discover that they have a need for something like weight management or nutritional counseling, they will not be receptive to the instruction at that time. I do try to provide snippets of information in the quarterly health newsletter about issues that I feel need to be concentrated on.
In meeting with the pastor and my experience with our church family, our church has a high needs population and many with mental health and financial issues. I have had a speaker come in and speak to the leadership about suicide prevention and intervention and I would like to have someone come in to speak about mental health issues. I think good communication with the pastor and leadership is a good way to stay in touch with what is needed.
Ensuring that you have a “presence” on Sunday morning and other church sponsored events is fundamental to staying “in the loop” so to speak, with others in the congregation. This can give you a chance to make a preliminary contact with someone and make a scheduled time to follow up on a need. You won’t find out what is going on in people’s lives if you only are at church on Sunday mornings particularly if you arrive 5 minutes before the Sunday service and leave immediately after it is over. I guess to be a parish nurse you have to be a people person and utilize those people skills that God gave you.

Spiritual Caregiver

Spiritual care as it relates to parish nursing is a true wholistic approach to ministry. God is revealed to us in three persons, otherwise known as the Trinity. This is God the Father, God the Son Jesus Christ and God the Holy Spirit. We are ministered to by each of the three persons of our Creator. Conversely, from the Greek perspective people are created tri-partite in spirit, soul and body and care needs to be considered respectively. As nurses we were trained in school principally from a scientific standpoint to care for the physical needs of the patient. The term psychosocial pertained to that “other” area that we needed to be responsive to and deal with but not as a priority unless dealing with mental health nursing. Spiritual care was and is often neglected.
Parish nursing places the proverbial missing cog in the wheel. It is important for us to encourage and teach others in their spiritual growth in order to promote total wellness. When people neglect their spiritual health and live life in their own strength, fatigue and illness soon takes place in the body. Our bodies cannot keep up to the unrealistic demands without the help of the Holy Spirit. Time with the Lord in prayer and Bible study reconnects us with the Life Source. This will in turn, give a sense of peace in all situations.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7. (NIV)
We know that scientifically the chemical reactions that stress has on cortisol from the kidneys can lead to all kinds of stress induced disease. Neglect of our spiritual care directly affects our physical body and we need to care for all aspects of it.
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God: You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
As a parish nurse, we can point people to Christ and the need to stay connected with Him. To assist those in not neglecting their spiritual health and promoting the care of their physical health will bring them towards shalom that we all long for.


Bibliography: Holy Bible, NIV. The Zondervan Corporation. 1994

Self Care of the Parish Nurse

I believe the importance of self care especially as a PN (parish nurse) can’t be underestimated. As nurses, we tend to have the type of personality that jump into a challenge before we have stopped to take into account what the costs of that involvement can be. We sometimes rely so much on our “intellect” and not on the Lord that using our own strength soon takes its toll.
Four years ago the Lord used an exacerbation of a chronic illness to help me to realize that. Looking back, I know that He used that to prepare me for His ministry of parish nursing. “We are confident that as you share in suffering, you will also share God's comfort” (2Corinthians 1:7). I was not only doing things on my own strength but also feeling that I had to do it “all”. I was not utilizing people God put into my life whom He had also gifted in ministry.
I have come to value the value of rest and quiet time alone with the Lord. Daily devotional time in the Word of God is so imperative to refuel your soul. Christian and classical music is also vital to me. The times when I feel overwhelmed with life, music can bring me to that place of praise and worship and being thankful in all situations “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts” (Colossians 3:15-16).
“Are any among you suffering? They should keep on praying about it. And those who have reason to be thankful should continually sing praises to the Lord”. (James 5:13).
I read Judith Shelley’s book Spiritual Care this summer while on vacation. This book emphasized spiritual care of the caregiver as well as those we care for. She underlined the magnitude of taking sabbaticals. Entering into Sabbath rest doesn’t have to be a four month excursion but even a few hours away by a lake with God can renew your soul “A Sabbath rest remains, therefore, for God's people. For the person who has entered His rest has rested from his own works, just as God did from His.” (Hebrews 4:9-10). While I must confess I haven’t yet embarked on that manner of sabbatical, I do have it on my “to do” list. The tyranny of the urgent tends to take over some days when that couple of hours doing housework can be better served alone in that “quiet place” with the Lord.
Kim