I'm a fan of grace. If it wasn't for that amazing grace I would still be caught in a life of downward spiraling that had me out of control. I'm thankful for that amazing grace that made me realize that my life wasn't as "fun" as I thought it was. That my life wasn't not in my control as I thought it was. That I couldn't rely on "me" as I was broken and fallen and very far from perfect or ideal. I am still broken, fallen and far from perfect or ideal but I am forgiven. I realize that I am created by One that knows me far better than anyone has ever known me. This One that created me knows every secret sin I have ever commited and every temptation that I have encounterd. Some temptations I have given in to and others have been overcome only by the strength that He gives me.
I don't want to have that life I lived before. The uncertainty and darkness that I can now see I was in, is a far deeper pit than I ever want to be in again. It is not about depression so much as it was a lack of hope for the future. I could not see past my circumstances that were created out of my own selfish nature. I wanted to be number one. I had never felt that I was number one to anyone. I wanted to have my needs met first and formost. I was independent and the world celebrates a woman's indeprendence. So if I was celebrated and fufilling my own needs and desires, why was I so miserable inside? Serving self will never end. Serving self will continue, prevail and will never be enough. The hole will never be filled. It is like an empty abyss in a search for better, bigger and faster!
I still make some poor choices and I still give in to my selfish desires from time to time. These moments are fleeting and the Lord always reminds me in some way either subtle or direct that I need to keep Him first in my life. I hope never to choose to go back to that old life. I know others have. My heart breaks for them. My heart breaks for Him as He watches us turn our back on Him. The tears that flow from Him from our disobedience must flood the heavens above.
Do we turn our backs on the backsliden Christian? Do we steer clear or we might "catch" what they have? I think we all see an element of what we could be in that person. We sit back and judge them but we know not what has gone on in their life. We need to walk a mile in another man's shoes to truly see. We are not the judge and jury. Only the One who created us and died to save us is alble to make that judgement. I am a nurse and I can tell the smoker that his smoking is not good for him but he already knows that. However it is my job to be sure that he understands that. I guess that is the same as a Christian. The Christian choosing a lifestyle of disobedience knows they are making a poor choice. They often steer clear of other Christians in order not to be confronted or be accountable. Is it our "job" to point out, in love, that their current choice is unhealthy for them. I think it probably is. Alienation will not bring them back to a life of obedience but the concern of others might enable the Holy Spirit to begin to do a work in their heart.
I think I'm rambling........
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