Roller Coaster

Today I realized something, or should I say the Lord revealed something to me. For about the last six months I have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster. It may not seem that obvious to those around me but for those who live with me, it will be no surprise. It goes beyond moodiness. It is more about dealing with the core being of my soul. I can almost pinpoint the moment it began and while the incident itself is not all that significant, the results certainly are. I allowed that serpent to speak to me and I listened. Remember in the Garden when the serpent appealed to Eve's pride saying that if she ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, she would be like God. Satan appealed to my personal pride.
Several months ago someone made a comment concerning something I had said. I perceived this comment to be an attack on me personally. Normally my feeling of offense would not be longstanding and would have forgiven the person quite easily and quickly. I would not have made an issue of it. However, when the comment was played over by another person, I became prideful and defensive. That dirty rotten pride that's in all of us was birthed into a monster that day. I needed to defend myself. So this began a "series of unfortunate events" in the journey of my self defense.
I can see now that I became more suspicious of other people in my life. What was the real reason behind actions and comments. I became more negative and didn't seek the positive elements in a situation. I began to retreat into myself, spending more time alone in my own company. I see now that I didn't want to be around people for fear they would make me accountable and for my "perceived" protection. My church attendance has been more sporadic but because we have two services, minor absence is not as noticed.
I spoke my mind without hesitation and offended people. I felt righteous because I was defending myself. After all I am right and they are wrong.
I allowed pride to be my guide. I reacted to people and situations when previously, I would have assessed the situation and "acted" instead of “reacting” based on my emotions. Action opposed to reaction is the difference between being like Jesus and reacting out of my flesh. My example as an ambassador of Christ has been pathetic. How could my non Christians friends and family see Christ in me when I was self serving and prideful?
Since this was revealed to me today, I need to act on it. I need to confess (which is what this note is) and repent of this pride. I pray that I can get off this six-month roller coaster and stand