The Search for Significance

I went to my parents today as of course it is Father's Day. The weather was perfect and I enjoyed sitting outside with my family and having a barbeque. We don't get together as often as I would like and being there today along with my brother made be miss it even more.
I walked around the yard as it always seems to bring back certain memories of my childhood. I didn't appreciate the serenity of country living especially when I was a teenager but the sun, breeze and butterflies seemed to culminate such a beautiful experience. I also had a memory of my feelings of insignificance as a teenager. Sitting outside craving to be important to someone. Feeling so unworthy and unimportant. I know many teenagers feel that way from time to time but the resergence of those emotions intenified my recent feelings of insecurity and uncertainty.
I have been struggling lately with my work life, home life and my personal life. Because the first two demand so much of my time and energy, the third is very neglected. I resent my work for taking me away from family and robbing me of time with my Christian friends. I never get together with anyone and basically have no social life other than going to church on Sunday. So in a sense, I still struggle with that sense of significance. I feel undervalued in my work, unappreciated by my family and hate myself for all of the mistakes I am making with my husband and children. My emotions are also compounded by the weaning of Effexor over the last few months.
But God reminded me today of some very important things. He is my sufficiency. He is my significance. Without Him, I am nothing.
He provided my job for me at a time when I needed to work full time. I miss seeing my patients and caring for them. That position gave me affirmation of what I was doing. I need to depend on Him for that affirmation, not people.
This is a season in my life where my things will be busy. Family needs to be the next priority after God. I do need good Christian friends but at this time, He is sufficient.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33. I need to talk with Him more. Study His Word and seek first His Kingdom. I need to place Him first in my life and at the center of my life. Not work, not family not me!! He is first. The rest of life is not working because I am selfishly putting my needs first. I have been whining "poor me" when I should be rejoicing that He has blessed and provided me with so much.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2Corinthians 12:9
Those feelings of unworthiness and insignificance as a teenager were the symptoms of my empty heart before Christ. My heart was crying out for a Savior and there would be many years of tripping over God before I finally found Him and was saved by His grace and mercy.
"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." 1Corinthians 13:11 I now know Jesus as Savior but I need to work on Him being Lord of my life. My feelings of insignificance are not from being that insecure child. I am secure in Him and my salvation. He is my significance.