Hard To Believe It

It's hard to believe that my little girl will be 20 years old on Friday. It seems like "yesterday" she was bouncing around the kitchen with her blonde hair waving as she moved. Hey! That was yesterday!!! All kidding aside, the years have gone by so quickly. I know that sounds like a cliche that you hear every parent say but it is so true.
It hasn't always been easy though. When I gave birth to her on that blistering hot July morning, my dreams for her were so different than how things turned out. I never thought that after two years, we would be facing the world alone. My dreams for a complete family including her father were changed beyond my control. The difficult relationships that sometimes come with split and blended families caused my daughter not to remember much of her young life. When I speak now of memories in her early years, she has to rely on my rendition and a few pictures available, as she has no recollection of the events. It saddens me that even though there were difficult times in those years, there were also times of rejoicing.
I have to believe that the Lord has blurred some of those memories as a protective mechanism. There are many decisions I wish I had made differently as I reflect on them now. Seeing the past with the eyes Christ has given me, enables me to re-evaluate and change my parenting now. In my own pain and insecurities back then I made some selfish decisions. I know I was a good parent to Jessica as I did and still love her dearly. I did the best I could with what I had back then.
The absence of her father from time to time, for weeks and months at a time was not healthy for her emotionally. It has only been recently that Mike has realized his role as a father in her life holds great value. I praise God that has changed in the last year and redemption of their relationship has been realized.
God has His hands on her. He has kept her safe in situations that should have been devastating. He is not giving up on her and will complete the good work that He began many years ago. I love my girl more than she will maybe ever comprehend. We have a bond that goes back 20 years and 9 months! That bond between a mother and child cannot be broken no matter how hard that relationship is tested.
Thank you Lord for Jessica and may you continue to hold her close to You.