In His Steps: 2Chronicles 7:14

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

Even though this verse is part of God's promise to Solomon for Israel, I believe that God spoke to me through this verse at a low point in my life. I had been disobedient to God and was totally blind to my sin. Through the course of my sinful decisions the weight of my disobedience came crashing in on me and destroyed my family.  
He opened my eyes to my sin and took me on a journey that stripped away every ounce of control I believed I possessed. I began a journey of earnestly seeking God's face to discover His will for my life. The ugliness of my sin was before my eyes and for the first time in my life. I mourned how I had grieved the heart of God. The good news is that there is forgiveness of sin through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Repentance by seeking His Kingdom and His righteousness needed to be a lifestyle re-birthed from the depth of my soul, so the healing of my land could begin.

Broken in a Thousand Pieces (short version)

One day after 18 years of marriage my husband informed me he was moving out.  As soon as the words left his lips, I knew this time it wasn’t an idle threat. God immediately began revealing to me every sin I committed that degraded, emasculated and disrespected my husband. Every time I blamed, criticized, condemned or withheld intimacy was before my very eyes. The blinders were ripped off and the ugliness of my sin was repulsive to me! Here I was a Christian for 16 years, playing the part, talking the talk and holding the church positions. I felt so valued by my Christian “family” as one of Christ’s ambassadors to the world, but the witness to my own husband was like filthy rags before God.

James 1:26: “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”

I felt stripped bare to the core that day, but in that process God miraculously transformed my heart for my husband. I experienced an infilling of unconditional love for him that was beyond human comprehension. The persistent nagging inside my being that had to speak up and criticize my him was miraculously gone. So many things that irritated me in the past were washed away.  I began to see him through God’s eyes as a precious human being created and loved by Him.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19

We had become strangers in the same house living separate lives. We were more like roommates than a married couple and our lives rarely intersected. We hadn't shared a bed for over 8 years but I was comfortable with that arrangement, so I didn't care to change.

Had I not  realized over the years I was not treating my husband well? I could say “no” and blame other men who had hurt me, other people or society. I have to confess that deep on a spiritual level I knew my actions were damaging to my husband and our whole family.  All factors may be reasons for my behaviour but  no excuse to treat him with disrespect he didn't deserve.

This new love for my husband welled up inside me and overflowed. I had never felt this way and I wanted him to receive this love from me, but was it too late? I had taken control and removed him as head of our family where God intended him to be all along. Would he think that my actions were nothing more than a ploy to make him stay? Regardless, I started to treat him with respect and submission the way I should have all along.

But I was not completely obedient and trusting God. I fought for control of the situation by plotting and intervening like an amateur detective. I intercepted emails and monitored his bank account justifying it because I was trying to  save our marriage. God began to convict me of my intrusion and I realized it was actually an invasion of my husband’s privacy. The harsh reality was, he was leaving and there was nothing I could do to control or manipulate that outcome.

After he moved out I withdrew and began to focus on my own pain.  I started to dwell on
 my husband’s contribution to the marriage breakdown in my own private pity party. I remember lying on my kitchen floor weeping and begging Jesus to take me Home. I felt like my heart was broken and I was in a thousand pieces. I now believe it was my own sin and lack of “control” eating me alive. One morning I woke up in tears telling the Lord that I couldn't go on any longer, I was too weak.
I turned to my devotional and the scripture verse was from 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10:
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

God wanted to heal my heart and life before He could ever heal our marriage. This journey of reconciliation wasn’t only about our marriage but also about my disconnection with the Lord. I took my eyes off Him and lived life my own way.

God used prayer and study to open my eyes and discover I was the contentious or quarrelsome woman of Proverbs. In the message Proverbs 27: 15-16 reads: A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; you can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it.

Proverbs 21:19 “It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.”

God now had my complete attention and I wept in brokenness. Even though my heart had been transformed, I continued to hold on to control. I had  to be obedient to the Holy Spirit, renew my mind, be accountable to the Lord for my own actions and not blame anyone else. My obsession with control destroyed our marriage.
A week after this epiphany, my husband contacted me out of the blue and asked me to go out for coffee. I hadn’t heard from him in months. The first meeting started as a casual meeting between “friends”but was actually the beginning  of  our restoration journey. 

My husband had a new softness to him I had never before seen, so I knew his heart was changed. He is back home now and we don't just have a marriage restored but a one that's transformed. I tell people I have the husband I’ve always wanted but never allowed him to be. We are blessed to fall into a deeper love with each other. I am witness as he grows in confidence as the head of our household. There are days I still struggle with wanting control, but being aware helps me learn to surrender it to the Lord.

Learning to be a wife as God intended is counter cultural as the world dictates women be independent. We are supposed to take control in marriage and family instead of depending on the Lord but this is so counter productive. I have new joy embracing the role God has graced me with as wife and help mate for my husband. I know that after God, my husband is my priority. This is how I honor the Lord.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

For many years I sought to find my identity and affirmation in education, positions and career but these pursuits became my gods. I had built my foundation on sinking sand destined to wash away. It gave me a feeling of superiority over my husband. I lost focus that my true identity is found in only in Jesus Christ and the role he has for me as His child, a wife to my husband and a mother to our children.

Back to blogging

I haven't been on this blog for some time and much has happened in the past five years.  God has been convicting me that He did not allow me to go through some of the journeys without a purpose.  The many trials that we go through are not in vain. We are to share our journey with others and lift them if they are going through similar trials or having mercy for those who are suffering. 

That's why we have the Body of Christ, isn't it? This is the same Body of Christ that Paul talked about in 1Corinthians 12: 12-26

"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.  For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.  Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it."

In my brokenness I will endeavor to share with anyone who may come across this blog by Divine Appointment, just what the Lord has done in my life and the lives of those close to me.  

In His Steps

Kim

The Search for Significance

I went to my parents today as of course it is Father's Day. The weather was perfect and I enjoyed sitting outside with my family and having a barbeque. We don't get together as often as I would like and being there today along with my brother made be miss it even more.
I walked around the yard as it always seems to bring back certain memories of my childhood. I didn't appreciate the serenity of country living especially when I was a teenager but the sun, breeze and butterflies seemed to culminate such a beautiful experience. I also had a memory of my feelings of insignificance as a teenager. Sitting outside craving to be important to someone. Feeling so unworthy and unimportant. I know many teenagers feel that way from time to time but the resergence of those emotions intenified my recent feelings of insecurity and uncertainty.
I have been struggling lately with my work life, home life and my personal life. Because the first two demand so much of my time and energy, the third is very neglected. I resent my work for taking me away from family and robbing me of time with my Christian friends. I never get together with anyone and basically have no social life other than going to church on Sunday. So in a sense, I still struggle with that sense of significance. I feel undervalued in my work, unappreciated by my family and hate myself for all of the mistakes I am making with my husband and children. My emotions are also compounded by the weaning of Effexor over the last few months.
But God reminded me today of some very important things. He is my sufficiency. He is my significance. Without Him, I am nothing.
He provided my job for me at a time when I needed to work full time. I miss seeing my patients and caring for them. That position gave me affirmation of what I was doing. I need to depend on Him for that affirmation, not people.
This is a season in my life where my things will be busy. Family needs to be the next priority after God. I do need good Christian friends but at this time, He is sufficient.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33. I need to talk with Him more. Study His Word and seek first His Kingdom. I need to place Him first in my life and at the center of my life. Not work, not family not me!! He is first. The rest of life is not working because I am selfishly putting my needs first. I have been whining "poor me" when I should be rejoicing that He has blessed and provided me with so much.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2Corinthians 12:9
Those feelings of unworthiness and insignificance as a teenager were the symptoms of my empty heart before Christ. My heart was crying out for a Savior and there would be many years of tripping over God before I finally found Him and was saved by His grace and mercy.
"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." 1Corinthians 13:11 I now know Jesus as Savior but I need to work on Him being Lord of my life. My feelings of insignificance are not from being that insecure child. I am secure in Him and my salvation. He is my significance.

Left or Right

An "interesting" conversation on a facebook page:

C.M.: I've decided anti abortion people should not kill even an insect because even insects are more evolved than embryos within the first couple months. Stop murder of insects.

Me: When one even dares to equate insects with the development human life, the only emotion I have is pity for the one who dares.

CM: Life is life. How arrogant to assume otherwise.

MD: When one even dares to inflict their morality on another I have nothing but outrage for their arrogance.

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL ANY WOMAN WHAT SHE MUST DO WITH HER BODY.

That includes the religious right and politicians.

Me: If you are seeking to evoke emotion, I will not satisfy that desire. God bless you.

MD: LOL. WTF does that mean? Evoke emotion? You post your comment about equating insects with human life and then slink away into your anonymity. Nice. Typical christian bull$hit.

CS: I leak emotion all over the place but I will not be swayed by religious types telling me how to conduct myself to accommodate their religion. I don't subscribe to that and instead will use my own moral compass. that is actually still legal in Canada. This may surprise some, but there is a separation of church and state in this i country.

ME: Im not quite sure where "religion" entered into the conversation other than my previous salutation which would only be an assumption that I come from a faith background. Not once was a church or theology mentioned.
My basis for the identification and respect for human life originates in science. Pro life stand does not always equate with theological doctrine.


It is interesting how those who reside in the far left of the political spectrum make many more assumptions and judgments that what they seem to think the "Christian right" are doing.

The Shack

I finished reading The Shack last week. It took me a whole 24 hours to complete the book that I have been encouraged to read for quite some time. There has been a fair bit of contraversy about this book and it's theological correctness. I am no theologian but this book affirmed many aspects of my God that I have always understood but rarely verbalized.
In this book, the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit is presented in a very unconventional way. I have had no problem thinking of God the Father as a loving Father. I have always had a good relationship with my own earthly father, so I think that is why I can picture God in this way. If my earthly father had been abusive, absent or distant, it may have not been quite as easy. The main character in this book did have an alcoholic, abusive earthly father. When God chose to reveal Himself, He did so as a woman. Not only a woman but a black woman. One magazine actually termed her as an Aunt Jemimah of sorts.
Jesus (God the Son) revealed Himself as a Middle Eastern Man with black hair and a large nose. One part of the book where I had to giggle was when Mack (the main character) said something like, "Jesus I thought you would be more...." Then Jesus said, "Handsome?". Mack replies rather sheepishly, "Yes". We get this image of a blond German Jesus and it just couldn't be further from the truth. We get so duped in our traditional Christian symbols. I think we all will be surprised when we see our Lord on that day. No matter what, He will be beautiful!
God the Holy Spirit is portrayed as an Asian woman. I resonate with this depiction because of our own discomfort as Christians, with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our teacher and comforter but we often think s/he is mysterious, just like this Asian woman.
The way I see it is, God will reveal Himself to us in a way we can comprehend. He is God and He can do that. He knows each one of us in such an intimate way. He knew when we would come to know Him as Savior and Lord and He knew exactly what it would take to get us to that point of surrender. He knows our coming and our going. He is just the kind of God that would taylor Himself and anything around us to bring us to Himself and in step with Him again.
What a Savior!

Life is Short

We are saddened and shocked by the deaths of those in our age group, like it can't happen to us. One thing I learned in my profession at an early age, is "Life is Short". I think when I turned 40 it wasn't turning 40 that bothered me, it was realizing my own mortality. I have seen children, young mothers, fathers and grandparents all lose the battle of illness. It never seems fair, but it is reality.
My son's friend will turn 11 years-old this week without his mom. She died in May from malignant melanoma at age 36. She left a husband and two children.
Life shouldn't be treated lightly. Our friends, family and co workers may not be here tomorrow. Treat people with dignity and respect. Life is a gift. Each morning we should awaken with thankfulness that we can live and breath. But who or what are we thankful to? That's something we need to think about.
Just a thought.

Atonement

That was the title of the episode of ER last night. One of the story lines was about a man who had been a prison doctor. One of his duties was to administer lethal injections to the prisoners on death row. At the time, he felt he was doing a public service. The tide changed when a man he had "put to death" was found to be innocent months later. The guilt this doctor felt had consumed him. His life's quest became one of traveling to families of the men he "killed" to apologize and offer a way to "make up" or atone for what he had done.
He was in the ER because he had saved a boy from drowning in the icy waters. This boy was the son of a man he had executed. This doctor feared going to hell if this boy died. The doctor could not make up for the overwhelming guilt he felt. His works to God never seemed to be enough to atone for what he had done. The ER staff sent in the "chaplain" to talk with this doctor. This so-called chaplain is a beautiful New Age clergy who happens to be the new love interest of one of the main doctor characters. Her form of ministry is to make everyone feel good about everything. This doctor’s pleas for answers went unreturned by the chaplain. She continually offered punchy, feel-good statements. This doctor was in absolute spiritual agony and pleaded with her for answers. He needed to know whether he could ever obtain forgiveness from God for his sins. She gave him nothing and he told her that. He was so angry that he threw her out of the room and she fled in tears. I literally cheered at this point. I have been so sick of this New Age chaplain as a deceiver of the Lord!! ER made a strong point in my eyes.
Later, as she spoke with her love interest doctor, she made the statement that when people are in crisis, they want concrete answers; they want do's and don’ts. She admitted that she could not give this man what he needed.
Her form of "religion" is an empty deception that cons people into believing that they only need to feel good about everything to be in touch with their spiritual side.
Of course the show didn't bring in Jesus Christ, but it did reveal that New Age doesn't have the answers when it comes to the crunch in life.
This doctor could have had forgiveness through Christ. The burden of his guilt weighted him down like a mountain of rock. Christ is ready, willing and so very able to lift that mountain off the shoulders of the lost

Philippians Peace Promise

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I think the Philippians peace promise certainly holds alot more weight than some of the peace treaties that have been out there in the past quarter century. Paul speaks of this peace promise from a jail cell. So if he could have this peace, why can't we experience that same peace? I certainly did yesterday.
I spent yesterday at St. Mary's hospital's cardiac catheterization lab with my husband. He underwent a catheterization to investigate the possible origin of some chest pain and fatigue he has been experiencing. The procedure itself presents certain risks, such as heart attack or stroke. The results of the procedure could mean and uncertain future and further medical intervention.

I had many friends and church family praying yesterday and it was evident. I felt the peace that surpasses understanding. I was not fearful waiting for Mike to come out of the cath lab. I was not even fearful of the possible diagnosis that could result.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” Philippians 4:7-9

Now the challenge begins. We received the diagnosis and the intervention means major surgery. I still have peace but when I sit and dwell on the uncertain future, I feel the fear set in. I fear for my husband, my children and myself. Life is changing before my eyes and there may be nothing that can be done to prevent some events from happening. My complete trust MUST me in the Lord who has promised this peace.

He has also reminded me by giving this verse today:
"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

God is sovereign and He is in control. I take that control back with my moments of fear. I'm also thankful that He understands my human nature and the emotions that come with that nature. He will hold me and be my sustaining strength no matter what the future holds

Run the Race

The Lord reminded me through the words of a friend today that we are to” run the race!” I knew it was from the Lord because the Holy Spirit convicted me at that moment those words were spoken.

Hebrews 12:1,2
"Therefore since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame, and haws sat down at the right hand of God's throne."
I ran across a Bible study on this verse. This author uses the analogy of the weigh of sin being like a “suitcase”. Let me share some of the points made:

“The most common suitcase is “the sin that so easily hinders our progress.” This doesn’t mean that you can’t run the race if you commit sins (we’d all be out of the race!)—it means that you can’t stay in the race long if you are clutching on to and rationalizing things that you know God says are wrong and destructive. When you’re clutching on to and rationalizing sexual immorality or substance abuse/dependence, it will sap your motivation and stamina. When you clutch on to and rationalize bitterness and hatred, it will sap your motivation and stamina (Eph.4:32 context). When you’re clutching on to and rationalizing things like materialistic greed, it will sap your motivation and stamina (Mk.4:18,19).

By distinguishing “the sin that so easily hinders our progress” from “every weight that slows you down,” the author implies that even things that are not overtly morally wrong can be suitcases that we need to lay aside—because they simply don’t fit into the course/race God has set before us. Early in my Christian life, I devoted a lot of time to creative writing. But at a certain point, God showed me that he wanted me to use most of my (very limited) creative talent to develop Bible teachings. I couldn’t do both to the extent that I wanted to, so I decided to drop most of the writing. And I haven’t regretted that decision. I was talking to a young brother recently who has decided that he needs to radically down-size his living situation so he can have more time and energy to devote to spiritual growth and service. It wasn’t a black and white moral issue—but God showed him that it was a weight that was slowing him down. Other such suitcases include: VIDEO GAMES; INTERNET SURFING; SHOPPING; SPORTS HOBBIES; TV/CABLE. Paul says these things may be lawful, but when they are enslaving you it’s time to put them down (1Cor.6:12)."
http://www.xenos.org/teachings/nt/hebrews/gary/heb12-1.htm

I certainly can name a suitcase or two that I have been carrying around lately. Today I had been holding onto a suitcase of bitterness. I'm not sure what caused me to pick that case up again, but I'm glad the Lord has reminded me that I need to put it down again to run this race!!

Potty Mouth

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
Titus 3:4-7

I was reminded today by this verse just how much Christ loves me. Not only this verse, but a wonderful conversation with an old friend. I used to work with this friend at the hospital before I was a believer. Helen is a strong Christian and was very instrumental in my coming to faith in Christ. She was an example to me all those years. While chatting with her, she happened to remark about a "professional" that has a foul and crude mouth. Fortunately he doesn't do this in front of patients but it is hard to respect someone who speaks that way. I was reminded however, of my life before Christ. How much He has forgiven in me. I had a crude mouth and often made jokes and comments that had sexual innuendos. I shudder actually when I think of some of the things I talked about with my co workers and friends. Helen would have heard some of the things I said "back in the day", but she still showed love to me. She prayed for this lost woman to be convicted of her sin and to realize she needed a Savior! God answers prayer!
There was really nothing I could have done to change myself to become clean in His eyes. It was through His mercy that I was washed and made clean again. I know I am forgiven, even though I still mess up once in awhile, but His forgiveness is a guarantee. I am His. I am now justified by faith and have the hope of eternal life!!
Don't give up on people with a potty mouth! Pray for them! Show them love! It will make an eternal difference!!!

Flavour of the Month

I often joke that Facebook is my current "Flavour of the Month.” It is the "new thing" that many are delving into and I don't want to miss the boat on the "in thing.”
I sometimes tend to be that way about a lot of things. I am what many call an "early adopter.” I am willing to give something a try because it seems appealing and works toward the greater good.
I think that I am becoming a little more guarded in my old age, because I am finding that I am less and less that way when it comes to things of the faith. A new book or a new method of worship has often been something that I have embraced. Let's try things a new way, because it can't hurt anything if it is to the glory of God and it just may bring someone to Christ! That is still true in my heart in many ways, but the Lord has cautioned me in being such an early adopter.
The Bible cautions us in these last days that Satan will try to lure us away from the Truth. First Timothy 4:1 says, "The Spirit speaketh expressly that, in the latter times, some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits."
Also 2 Peter 2:1 says"There were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who secretly shall bring in destructive heresies" Along with that Matthew 7:15 says: "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves."
We have to be so careful when embracing new methods too quickly. Are we actually embracing false teaching? No, we are to test the spirits. John has outlined in 1:1-6 :
"Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are of God; for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit which confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, and every spirit which does not confess Jesus is not of God. This is the spirit of antichrist, of which you heard that it was coming, and now it is in the world already. Little children, you are of God, and have overcome them; for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are of the world, therefore what they say is of the world, and the world listens to them. We are of God. Whoever knows God listens to us, and he who is not of God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error."
New things can be good but I don't think we really need a gimmick to sell Jesus. New programs or worship styles may be appealing and draw a few more people into our midst but we must not do so by compromising or watering down the Gospel to make it more palatable. Conviction of sin is necessary to ignite the process of salvation. In order to be saved we need to believe that we need to be saved. Without conviction of sin, we have nothing that we feel we need saving from, right?

Claim This Verse!!!

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
1 Corinthians 15:57
Another great "Verse of the Day" just happened to show up on my Facebook. Through Christ we can have victory over sin. Apart from Him we really can do nothing. Oh we can try and succeed to a certain extent but He has paid the price for us to have true victory. It is a day by day, moment by moment process. We get weak and fall back into that fallen nature.
The sinful way seems to be the easy way sometimes. When we are tired, we may snap back at our family when they ask a favor of us. We use the fatigue as an "excuse.” Matthew 4:1-4 says:
"Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry. And the tempter came and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread. But He answered and said, "It is written, 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.”
Did Christ fall into sin when he was tired, hungry and totally spent when He was in the desert? Satan tempted Him but He used Scripture as His defense against the enemy. He could have given in but He stood firm and remained faithful to the Father.
Of course He was without sin, but He certainly was tempted in the same way that you and I are tempted. Hebrews 4:15 says:
" For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin."
Then Hebrews 2:18 goes on to say that:
" For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted."
He knows the struggles that we go through because He has been there. I know I have a sense of peace when I share my struggles with someone who has gone through a similar experience. They understand because they have been in the same place I have. That is how we can relate to Christ. He is our confidante who has experienced the feelings of hunger, pain, helplessness, and loneliness. Let's look to Him for our example when we feel at our weakest. He will give us the strength we need to carry on.

Verse of the Day Picked Just for Me!!

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."
James 4:1-3

I always find it "funny" how a verse seems to be picked for you just at the right time and at the right place in your life. This one from James describes my day today. In my previous note I wrote earlier, I spoke of the Lord's revelation to me. It was an incident that happened today at work that brought me to a place of humility to receive what the Lord had to say to me.
There have been battles within me lately as James says, because I can't have what I seem to want. My motives have not been pure so the Lord will not allow me to receive based on those selfish motives. My soul has been in turmoil from the battles within me.
As always, God's timing is perfect. Another day, another time, I wouldn't have been able to receive from Him. My fallen nature placed me in a place where I could only look up.

Roller Coaster

Today I realized something, or should I say the Lord revealed something to me. For about the last six months I have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster. It may not seem that obvious to those around me but for those who live with me, it will be no surprise. It goes beyond moodiness. It is more about dealing with the core being of my soul. I can almost pinpoint the moment it began and while the incident itself is not all that significant, the results certainly are. I allowed that serpent to speak to me and I listened. Remember in the Garden when the serpent appealed to Eve's pride saying that if she ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, she would be like God. Satan appealed to my personal pride.
Several months ago someone made a comment concerning something I had said. I perceived this comment to be an attack on me personally. Normally my feeling of offense would not be longstanding and would have forgiven the person quite easily and quickly. I would not have made an issue of it. However, when the comment was played over by another person, I became prideful and defensive. That dirty rotten pride that's in all of us was birthed into a monster that day. I needed to defend myself. So this began a "series of unfortunate events" in the journey of my self defense.
I can see now that I became more suspicious of other people in my life. What was the real reason behind actions and comments. I became more negative and didn't seek the positive elements in a situation. I began to retreat into myself, spending more time alone in my own company. I see now that I didn't want to be around people for fear they would make me accountable and for my "perceived" protection. My church attendance has been more sporadic but because we have two services, minor absence is not as noticed.
I spoke my mind without hesitation and offended people. I felt righteous because I was defending myself. After all I am right and they are wrong.
I allowed pride to be my guide. I reacted to people and situations when previously, I would have assessed the situation and "acted" instead of “reacting” based on my emotions. Action opposed to reaction is the difference between being like Jesus and reacting out of my flesh. My example as an ambassador of Christ has been pathetic. How could my non Christians friends and family see Christ in me when I was self serving and prideful?
Since this was revealed to me today, I need to act on it. I need to confess (which is what this note is) and repent of this pride. I pray that I can get off this six-month roller coaster and stand

I Love This Verse!

December 20, 2007
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ... I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35,38-39

This is my "Today's Verse" on my Facebook and it was a timely reminder for me. My last note reflected my feelings of uncertainty. Today I feel more certain. My circumstances haven't actually changed but I am more certain about the love my Savior has for me. Nothing that I can do or not do can change that love. The circumstances in my present or my future can't change that love either. He stays the same and His love is the same no matter what. It is often said that there are no guarantees in life but this is one guarantee that I would stake my life on.
I don't know what the next few days, weeks, months or years hold for my family, but I do know that my relationship with Christ is the glue that will hold us together no matter what the storm is.

Uncertainty

I will admit. I am feeling uncertain about the future. Usually I am quite happy to rely upon the Lord and be at peace with what is ahead in life. I have lived that belief and felt quite confident in that faith.
Lately, that faith and belief are being tested. There are people and things in my life that may be here today and gone tomorrow. That is a reality I see so much in my work. I see it in the lives of others but haven't thought much of my own life and family being affected.
Roles seem to be shifting and I'm not comfortable with it. There are certain things that I feel responsible for and others that seem to be assumed by other members in the family. What if they aren't there anymore or are unable to assume those roles? That is where the role shift comes in. There is more responsibility and that's not something that was in the contract of life I signed up for, was it?
I know this note is vague and I guess it is intended to be. I need to rely on the Lord's strength in this and every area of my life but I am finding there are moments in my day that I get thinking about things and realize I'm afraid of what may be ahead.
I need peace.

The Gift of Giving

My husband told me a heart warming story today. There is a man in town whose wife has terminal cancer. This woman is in her forties with young children so it is especially tragic. A man my husband knows, works with this gentleman. He is working a day and a half each week for the man whose wife is dying so he can take more time off without worry about finances. He is trying to convince others at the workplace to do the same. I'm not sure how successful he will be.
How many of us would do that?
I don't even know if this man is a Christian, but he certainly has a giving heart. If he isn't, I think it would put alot of Christians to shame. How often do we get so attached to the material things in our lives and we don't surrender them to the Lord?
I was truly blessed by that story and it has made me think about how I can reflect the heart of Christ more often.

Cry Me A River!

I cry, I laugh, I get angry and I get depressed I'm an emotional person. I have always been that way and until today I never really gave it a second thought. I don't just cry when I'm sad, I also cry when I am happy or when I am listening or singing a worship song that the Lord uses to touch my heart.
It wasn't until today that I realized what an odd ball I am in my family. My parents and my brother are wonderful people, but they don't cry. Why do I cry? Crying was something that I did long before I gave my life to Christ, but certainly the Christian environment makes tears more acceptable than most communities. I'm not walking around blubbering all the time by any means but when I am hurt or sad I will sometimes express that emotion through tears. Yes, I have had pain in my life but so have my family from time to time, so that's not the reason I cry.
My family never used to hug either. We were never brought up to be demonstrative regarding emotions, but one day I decided that I was going to start hugging my parents when we would part company. I know that they were probably not comfortable with it in the beginning, but I think they are okay with me doing it now.
“Jesus wept.” John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the Bible. When Jesus arrived at the tomb where Lazarus had been for three days, He wept. Did He cry because His friend was dead? I don't really think that was the entire reason. He knew that He was going to raise Lazarus. I think He also cried because of Mary and Martha. In those days women depended on their fathers, brothers or husbands to support them. Since Mary and Martha only had their brother, his death would mean certain hardship for them. Jesus wept for that. Jesus wept for his friends.
I think if Jesus was comfortable to show His emotion by tears, it should be quite "okay" for us to express that emotion. I know not everyone is is comfortable showing their tears in front of others, and I respect that. I am comfortable with my emotional personality most of the time. It is the unique way that God has made me as it's obviously not a product of genetics

What A Day!

I need to remember this verse today. I need to claim it and remember that I am under a microscope every day by the world. The world is watching us. They are examining our conduct in every situation. They may accuse us of wrong doing but they must never find any basis for the charges.
May I live a life worthy of the Lord I love.
Amen


November 20, 2007
Now Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent. Finally these men said, "We will never find any basis for charges against this man Daniel unless it has something to do with the law of his God."
Daniel 6:3-5